Press Coordinator Farris: I’d like to thank all of you for making time to come out tonight. We have a very special announcement to make and I’m sure you’ve all been waiting to hear about the direction that league is planning on going.
We’ve had a lot of turmoil during this season. We lost a lot of good men out there. But ultimately, what doesn’t kill us physically as a league makes us stronger emotionally as men. That’s why we’re happy to announce today the addition of our newest manager, Jason Fresh. Mr. Fresh has a long and storied history among the members of the group…
Adam Schefter, ESPN: PC Farris, I believe his last name is pronounced “Frisch.”
Michael Richards, Vogue Magazine: It’s pronounced “thermometer.”
Farris: No questions at this time, please. Now as I was saying, Mr. Fresh has a long and storied history in the Fantasy Sports world. It should be noted that everything he’s done up to this point was simply preparation for stepping into manhood. He will be the first person to join the league since its inception five years ago. This obviously puts an end to the rumours of relegation that were out there and I’d like to thank our expansion consultants Jack Mehoff and Mike Hunt for working so hard to pull this together in a week. Now, do we have any questions?
Kai Ryssdal, Public Radio International: Yes, how does this affect future drafts and what will Mr. Frisch’s role be?
Farris: Excellent questions. First, Mr. Fresh will be assuming the General Manager’s role at Team Pee Pee. It has been a harrowing five year experiment for that team, but it’s now pretty clear that an ambiguously gay owner can be either fierce OR competitive but not both at the same time. It became pretty clear early on in that experiment which way the former GM was leaning.
As to future draft information – the six play off teams will be slotted normally (huh huh) putting the winner of the league at the 12th pick, runner up at 11th, and then the following four teams in descending order based on record with the best record starting at the 10th pick. The real mix up comes with picks 1 through 6. Pick 1 will go to the team with the 6th worst record, Pick 2 to the team with the 7th best record, and so on. The worst performing team will pick 6th going forward to help maintain the competitive balance of the league and really stick it to Fred.
Larry Fonghauser, Mt. Adams Tribune: Do you have anymore profane and stupid pictures?
Farris: Glad you asked.
2 comments:
Is the new draft format going into effect for this season's draft? Or will it be implemented for next year? If it's this year can someone please post an updated version of the draft order?
Next season. Nobody has had time to plan for this year so it'll happen then. Same order as shown in the post a couple of months ago.
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